Downsizing Sucks! A Humbling Story...

Does this hit home?

You’re working at your family’s welding business during the day, and then go to your second job at night. You’re 50-some years old, working as a cashier at Target. You always said that if you’re 40 years old and have a career that requires you to wear a name tag, then to just shoot you!

Not that there’s anything wrong with working at Target or wearing a name tag or working the family business. Those are all honest jobs. It’s just that after 20 years with your previous company, and with your education and expertise, you hadn’t exactly planned on ramping up to your golden years asking customers if they’d like to save ten percent on their purchase by opening a store credit card.

You heard rumblings about the company folding. But as far as you knew, the numbers were good. At least they were good. Then competition took over and the owners decided it was a good time to bow out gracefully. You were hoping you weren’t going to be one of the countless main wage earners to get let go. But sadly, you were. Unemployment ran out. You sent out literally hundreds of resumes and still nothing. Your spirits are down, you’re frustrated (that’s an understatement) and you even had to humble yourself to get some help from a local food pantry.

You’ve done all the online courses; you have tirelessly pounded the pavement and scoured the classified ads. You’ve even hit up all the online sources to jobs such as www.monster.com www.usajobs.com hotjobs.yahoo.com and about 800 other job boards that you regularly surf. If one more person tells you that a door closes and a window opens or that good things come to those who wait, you think you’re going to puke.

You have a family counting on you; so now what? For starters, keep plugging along. Keep on keeping on. You know a job isn’t going to fall from the sky, so you need to just accept that your job right now is finding a job. You are working and you’re working harder than most at this task.

More importantly you need to keep a positive outlook. Yes that’s easier said than done. But if you can’t control the circumstances you can control your attitude toward it. You can either look at downsizing as an opportunity to do something different or to learn something new; or you can view it by accepting that you’ve been dealt a bad hand of cards and now all you can do is play it out. Do not view yourself as a victim. No good will come from that attitude.

You wouldn’t have advanced nor had the longevity that you did in your former career had it not been for your wherewithal and internal drive. You need to find that strength again. If you’re still having a pity party, it’s time to get over it. If you’ve sent out that many resumes and exhausted what you believe to be all your leads and you’re still bitter and feeling sorry for yourself, it’s time to reevaluate. If you haven’t already accepted a job that you’re overqualified for and underpaid, then it’s time you did.

Pride can be our biggest downfall. Working a family business that you never wanted to, or working nights at the concession stand may not be what you envisioned for yourself. View it as temporary. View it as a paycheck. View it as an opportunity to network with people you would have never had the opportunity to cross paths. Maybe your next customer could be a business owner that you’ve been attempting to get an interview with.

As for the people who give you clichés – know that they mean well. People who have not been a mile in your shoes don’t understand it. They don’t know what to say. Remember downsizing sometimes sucks, but it may be forcing you into a new opportunity that you really love. Make the best of it.


Myself, I have been working in the High-tech Industry since I was a Sophomore in High School [ almost 30 years for those counting ] and I did extremely well for myself for many years. I bought my first house at 17, my first car at 16, my first checking account at 13, my first company leased car at 18, my first boat at 19. I added 5 employees and a maid at 19. A lot happened and life was good. Never in my wildest of dreams did I ever think the High-tech industry would change so much that it would become the focus of the biggest downsizing in the history of the North America's work force.

It's been 6 years of a roller-coaster-ride-from-hell as one friend puts it. Personally, in the last 6 years I've been downsized 8 times! Can you believe it! My last job just ended after 10 weeks when the company announced that the contract I was working on collapsed and they couldn't keep me. Not being 15 weeks, I can't collect unemployment either. Wow! What a blow. I never thought it would come to this, and yet it has. Frustrating, humiliating, embarrassing, down-right unfair, depressing, and resenting are just some of the emotions we go through when hit with such challenges in our lives. As a middle-management, top of the pay-scale, 30+ years of experience, a double Masters Degreed individual and I can't even keep a job more than 10 weeks? What has happened???

And, of course, if it was just 'ME' in this life of mine it would be one thing, but friends, family, even my parents can't understand whatsoever! Well, they also come from a generation where you spent 30+ years at one job, retire, and enjoy life. How hard can that be? But in today's world, finding one job to last more than 3-4 years is a challenge!!

A friend of mine asked me the other day, "...what keeps you from finding a tall tree and a short rope?" I laughed and said something to the effect that "I'd miss all the fun". Little does he know that I've contemplated that very solution many times before! But, I find strength in my friends, family and faith. I know that life is full of challenges and that it is not so much how I react to my challenges as to how I deal with them that I am measured by. Yes, these experiences - some more than others - have been devastating to me! Yes, there are days I've wanted to give up! But, what good would that do me or anyone else?

Recently I wrote a letter for my daughter who was graduating from 8th. grade. You can read it at: http://jagosselin.blogspot.com/2005/06/letter-to-my-daughter-on-her-8th-grade.html
She has had a rough year, mostly because of my work situation and not having the 6 figure income needed to keep up with her friends. You know, the cell phones, the new clothes, the private phones in their room, their own TVs, the trips to various places and beaches, the fashion, make-up, jewelry, etc. that girls wear these days. She was also embarrassed to have me around as the father not working... at that age, image is everything. So, when the school asked parents to each write a letter to our graduate child, I did just that.
And, what's the old saying: "Payback is a B*tch" - well, she came home from school that afternoon they gave out the letters and she was beside herself! I had gotten her good, as she would tell me later. "Don't You EVER Do That To Me AGAIN!" she said. She couldn't believe her Dad could write!!

Anyway, before I stray further from the topic, the point is that Downsizing has affected many others besides the one directly being downsized. So, if you are in that position of being downsized - it is REALLY IMPORTANT - after the shock, grief, disbelief, depression, anger, frustration, and humbling experience --- to REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Don't shut out the ones who love and care for you. Even if they can't help, they need to know that you will allow them to be with you in this troubling time.

What in the world have I learned from all this? Good Question, I'm still trying to answer that one myself. However, I can tell you what I do to manage it, since I'm getting so much experience:

1) Whatever you do - DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! No matter what, even if you did something stupid or got in trouble somehow - it's important to learn from it - but DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! Life happens for a reason; take the time out to reflect on that...

2) Give Thanks! Often times this might become the hardest of all things to do, but there are great things in life to be thankful for --- every day of your life! Even if the simplest of things, find something – be it a picture your kids drew to make you feel better, the fact no telemarketer called today, that there were no bills in today’s mail – whatever it is, be humbly thankful! There are many, many, many, more possibilities in life that are far worst off than your current situation – whatever it may be! Just look at the children of South Africa!

3) Pray! I don’t care if it’s been 100 years since you asked GOD for help – PRAY! Get on your knees and PRAY! Pray giving thanks and asking what’s next… not “why me” or “not again” or “what did I do this time” – just simply GIVE THANKS! Ask WHAT’S NEXT! And then just LISTEN! GOD will never give you more than you can bear – although yes – there are days it doesn’t feel that way – but we make it through with his help!

4) Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be open, ask and you shall receive!

5) Don’t forget to ask the Angels for help and intercession for you! They are so willing to help and be there for us, we just need to ask them!

6) Read something positive and enlightening every day. If you need help, visit a great site that I found, it sends out an excellent set of e-mails to help you with this. You can sign up for their e-zine at: http://www.quantumspirit.com/Public/Products/eZines/ They also have some great products which have helped me, I hope you’ll take a look at these as well.

7) Don’t be bitter! Let go of the anger, frustration, pain, worry, hate, loneliness, grief – whatever is bottled up inside you – let it go! Don’t let it eat you up inside – YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!

8) Call upon your friends and families to pray for you, to help you stay positive, to look in on you and prompt you when you stray from your goals. They LOVE YOU and want to help you!

9) Believe in GOD! Believe that you have a PURPOSE IN LIFE! Know that you are SPECIAL and LOVED! Know that life GETS BETTER WITH AGE! Trust that there is more to your LIFE’s STORY – more Chapters To Come! BE OPEN TO EVERY POSSIBILITY. You Can’t Do That with NEGATIVITY and ANGER!

10) And Most Of ALL – LISTEN! Listen to your heart! Every answer to your life is available to you in your very SOUL! LISTEN for the answers, LISTEN with INTENT, LISTEN with EAGERNESS, and LISTEN with FAITH!

Well, now you know how I’ve survived this long to tell you all this! How do you do it?

Peace my Friends!

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10 Top Traits of Problem-Solvers

Something that we all seem to have in common is problems. Some see problems and give up immediately. Others thrash about or throw money at their problems with the predictable results that they continue without resolution, often getting worse. I have watched people carp, duck and hide, pull their hair, cry, lash out, etc. None of these produces the desired effect of solving the problem. Certainly, it never solves the problem in ways that are good for all parties involved.

People who aim to truly solve problems seem to have several traits in common. Here's my top 10 list of these traits.

#10 - Problem-solvers get a good fix on reality. They do not spend a lot of time in dreamland, wondering about what coulda been or woulda been if things were different. Things are NOT different - problem-solvers know this and act accordingly.

#9 - Problem-solvers do not gripe and do not make trouble for others.

#8 - Problem-solvers are self-starters. They do not wait for someone else to point out that there is something wrong. And they don't wait for someone else to tell them how to fix it.

#7 - Problem-solvers do not keep lists of grievances. Problem-solvers may keep a few objective examples of a problem to use as evidence when problem-solving discussions arise.

#6 - Problem-solvers engage their imaginations to come up with new solutions that they can try out, and they have the guts to go forward as they test their solutions.

#5 - Problem-solvers do not look to others for assurances that cannot be delivered. They know who does and does not make decisions, and try to work with those who do.

#4 - Problem-solvers are nimble-minded, tough-love optimists who work tenaciously to solve the problems facing them.

#3 - Problem-solvers are capable of allying themselves with others so that if a problem goes beyond their personal abilities, they can make use of the talents of others.

#2 - Problem-solvers effectively juggle their entire load of problems so that they all get resolved. They don't let any one problem so dominate their attention (except in emergencies), that they can't multitask. Here they attend to one problem. A few minutes later they're busy solving another. They don't make everything else wait until something is solved completely. They work on multiple fronts as best they can.

And the number one attribute of Problem-solvers:

#1 - Problem-solvers go the extra mile to solve problems and to help others solve their problems. They value win-win solutions whenever they are possible.

Are you a problem-solver? Write to me, I want to meet you!


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A Letter to My Daughter on Her 8th. Grade Graduation!

My Dearest Alexandria,

Congratulations on this very special day! We wanted to write a few notes to let you know just how proud we are of you and just how much WE LOVE YOU!!

What happened to my little girl? Oh, yes, we have had many years of laughs, cries, challenges and growth, but it seem like just yesterday your mother and I were at the Hospital having our first Sonogram. The minute I saw that pudgy little nose and a thumb in your mouth, I knew you were our sweet Alexandria!! From the moment you were born I followed you through the Hospital and made sure you were safe and secure. I wouldn’t even let the nurse give you your first bath, I wanted to be the first to get you ‘all cleaned up’, get you bundled in your new clothing, and wrapped into a snuggle blanket. As I sat down to rock you for the first time, I offered you to GOD; that I and your Mother were but ‘caretakers’ of such a precious gift, and asked that he protect you throughout life. Today, I look at you – so grown and beautiful – and again Thank GOD for his precious blessings on us!

Time has a way of blending in with your feelings and so Today, I have many mixed feelings. I am so very Proud of YOU! You have been a loving and caring daughter, sister, friend, student, grandchild, and human being. You can be very patient, kind, friendly, inspiring, and faithful. You have grown up soooo quickly, and yet you’re still a ‘child at heart’. I Love YOU very, very much! GOD has blessed you with so much that sometimes I think – ‘She can’t be mine…” – but I know darn well you are! So much so that I didn’t even need to show my ID in the hospital nursery since everyone knew who you looked like and belonged to! I have spent 14 years of my life watching you grow up and praying that somehow we can do a good job in raising you to be the best that you can be. I pray all the time that GOD will touch your heart as he has touch your mother’s and mine. And, I know he is watching over you very carefully!

I am also scared! Scared that something terrible will happen and I’ll wake up and realize I wasn’t a good-enough father, or that we as parents failed you in some way. But I know that GOD has a Plan for you; as he does for each of us and our Family, and that it is out of our control. I need to learn to Trust and place more in GOD’s hands; to listen more to my heart and GOD’s plan for us. You too must do the same. Sometimes Life throws us a few curves… it’s not always easy and trouble free. And, what you don’t always see, are the challenges others have – although, you have had a glimpse into Olivia’s & Marissa’s lives – both having some tough challenges.

Life isn’t about how you live it, as much as it is how you deal with it. Everyone can live a life of ‘Easy’ & ‘Carefree’ living, that isn’t a challenge – it’s really a test of how WE all deal with the ‘Challenges’ in Life that we are measured. Do we give up? Do we turn to drugs and alcohol? Do we run away? Or do we face our fears, turn inward to GOD and listen to his plan for us? Yes, I said inward… GOD isn’t ‘UP THERE’ in Heaven, or out there somewhere in the masses of Space – HE IS WITHIN YOU AND YOUR VERY SOLE! He created YOU in His Image!! He knew you before you were conceived and he “Created” you with a special Plan in Life! Be sure to look “within” and “listen quietly” to hear what He has planed for you! Every answer in life is within you through Prayer and Listening to GOD in your heart. And the Angels are there to help guide you, all you need to do is ask for their help.

Life is like the Appalachian Trail. If you look at if from 10,000 feet up, it looks like a straight line from Maine to Virginia. But if you look at it from 5,000 feet up, you see more details, you see more curves, hills, and valleys. If you are on the trail, and you walk from one mountain to another, you will find that there are areas of flat fields, wooded trails, rocks, stumps and holes, valleys and mountains. Nothing is straight about it when you are experiencing it. There are times when you are on the top of a great mountain and you can see for hundreds of miles in any direction, even above the clouds at times, and there are times when you are in a canyon of rock, thicket, and darkness where the sun can’t penetrate the vegetation and stone walls. The question is do you give up when the trail gets tough, dark, lonely, scary, or difficult? Or – do you press on through thick and thin, knowing that soon there you will be, on the top of another great mountain where all can be seen so clearly and so beautifully? Life is very much like this… it’s not always easy, nor do we always understand “WHY” or for “HOW LONG”. That’s up to GOD to decide. We need to always give thanks for every day we have together, no matter what – knowing that in the end, we will be with him. Just as our Love for you – it’s unconditional!

Allie, be strong, be true to yourself, listen to your heart, and don’t forget that GOD is within you always! Someday, hopefully when your 40 ;o)) you’ll have children of your own, you too will have to learn and deal with them growing up - reluctantly letting go a little at a time. Maybe you’ll even write a letter for your children’s graduation. Try to remember that when you are ‘Ranting-and-Raving’ in the heat of the moment. Think before you speak! We only want what is best for you. Sometimes, that isn’t everything you want, when you want it, how you want it, and at any price. So, remember that we are on your side, we LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, and we want the best for you each day. We are always there for YOU Allie! Never forget that – EVER!

Love Always,

Dad





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Where Have All the Manners Gone?

What? Huh? Move! Gimme a …, Hey can I …? Where oh where have all the manners gone? What ever happened to: Pardon me? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Excuse me please. May I have? Those phrases are almost extinct for children today. You may still occasionally hear those words from adults aged 40 and older, but pretty much not anyone younger.

How long has it been since families all ate around the dinner table? Can you remember enjoying a meal when the person speaking wasn’t interrupted? People just knew not to phone during meal times; and if your phone did ring, there was no getting up from the table to answer the phone unless you thought it might be an emergency. Of course, during that time of polite table manners, Caller ID and answering machines weren’t around, so the caller would just need to call back another time. And shall we discuss long phone calls? You just didn’t phone people after eight o’clock at night, and certainly never past nine. It was just considered rude.

Sure more and more families are single parent homes and double income houses, and opportunities to sit around the dinner table are few and far between; but that’s no excuse not to instill good manners in your children. Elbows off the table, napkin in your lap, don’t talk with food in your mouth. Then there’s no one starts eating until everyone is served, and blessings are said in some cases. Now everyone sits down and starts wolfing food down their mouths all the while reaching over each other. “Please pass the salt” is rarely heard anymore. Nothing erks me more than having to listen to someone at the table eating and slurping with their mouths open. Heck, if I wanted to eat with barn animals they sound like, I wouldn't have sat at the dinner table. Feeding a horse a nice juicy apple and hearing that slurp, crunch, and chug is one thing, but having to listen to someone at the dinner table rudely talking on and eating with their mouths open is down right nasty. What ever happened to keeping your lips shut? And back in that day, no one dared leave the table until everyone was done. If there was something urgent which caused a family member the need to leave the table early, the child always asked the parent, “May I please be excused?” No one says that anymore! Why not?

How many of you can remember growing up saying, “Can I…” and before any more words uttered past your lips, you were corrected to say “May I.” May I go to…? May I have… ? “Of course you’re capable, you can, the real question is do you have permission to, which is MAY I?”

Manners are a lost art. Sadly if the parents don’t use good manners, their children certainly can’t be held responsible if they were never taught, nor ever were led by example. It’s never too late to start calling people Sir and Ma’am or to use the magic words (that’s Please and Thank you, for those who have forgotten!) If all else fails and you just don’t know where to turn, start listening to people over 40, many of them still use manners, or trot to your local library and pick up a book. Heck, just Google “Manners” and see what you come up with!

Anyway, what's that old saying - "...everyone learns everything important in kindergarden"? Being polite, cleaning up after yourself, making friends, and many other things we need in life. But most importantly, we learn that the 10 Commandments where just that and there was a reason they weren't called the 10 SUGGESTIONS! Today, many people need to take a refersher course in Kindergarden! From being polite to learning to eat with the mouth shut to memorizing and living the 10 Commandments!

What do you think - have I gone MAD or what????

Daily Devotionals Help Start Your Day off Right

Some say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Many Christians will tell you spending time with God first thing in the morning will keep the gloomies away. No one will dispute that there is no substitute for spending time in the Word of God, in your Bible. However, if you just have a few quickie moments in the morning before your children wake up or before you scoot off to the office, reading out of a daily devotional book may be just what you need to get your day started right!

Go to any bookstore, online or off, and you will find a plethora of daily devotionals. It can be very overwhelming. There are also a number of online sources where you can get daily inspirations sent directly to your in-box. You should have at least one devotions book in print. Doing so will give you a chance to sit quietly away from the computer. You may have a spot at the kitchen table or in your comfy chair in the living room or perhaps you feel like the only alone time you ever get is in the bathroom. Take your book where you can give the text and God your undivided attention.

Listed below are merely a few examples of some of the devotional books available. All have been personally recommended by readers who are currently using and enjoying them.

Rick Renner's Sparkling Gems from the Greek is a daily devotional that has one Greek word study for every day of the year; with hundreds more word studies in addition to the 365 primary ones. It's much more than a devotional - it's a study tool that you will want to refer to over and over again.

Journey by Lifeway is a monthly women's devotional magazine that offers guidance for a growing, personal relationship with God. Each weekday devotion deals with issues and real-life situations. Features include: a daily key verse, devotional vignette, personal application, and suggested prayer focus; monthly messages from popular author and speaker Beth Moore; and other inspirational articles. Available in monthly subscriptions.

People use Daily Guideposts to deepen their relationship with God and strengthen their faith. Each year has a different theme; 2005’s theme of "Rejoicing in Hope" contains inspiring, thought-provoking and comforting daily devotional stories. A prayer and daily Scripture reference are included for further meditation or Bible study.

The Our Daily Bread devotional published RBC Ministries is an effective resource for those who desire constant awareness of God’s Word and its significance in the life of the believer. Available at many restaurants and grocery stores.

Rise & Shine by Liz Curtis Higgs overflows with the best of Liz’s early writings, gleaned from her columns in Today’s Christian Woman and seven nonfiction titles. This devotional contains daily Scripture verses, simple prayers, and gentle reminders of God’s love and is packed with poignant stories, honest humor, and biblical lessons.

As mentioned above, there are so many more excellent daily devotional books to read. The purpose of this article is to encourage you to dust off the one sitting on your shelf, or to pick up a new one and start each new tomorrow with a fresh perspective. Enjoy!

Each and Everyone of US has a Purpose in Life!

Princess Isabelle: I understand you have recently been given the rank of knight.
William Wallace: I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are.

~dialogue from Braveheart (R)

I really enjoy pondering various thoughts and dialogs from this movie. Since this film oozes with concepts of freedom and honor, it's easy to find things that inspire and urge us to really live. This little bit is one of those that I've taken the time to ponder...

I'd like to focus more so on William's response. I agree with the second statement William makes, but I don't believe the first one is quite right. Maybe I'm just being a little to picky here, but I'm going to run with it anyway. "I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are."

First things first... "I have been given nothing." Now, I'm sure I'm dicing things a little too much here, but I'm also sure this statement was implying something like "I have been given nothing... from the men who knighted me"... keyword being men. However, that's not my point. I believe each and every thing we have is a gift, a gift from above... from the Father of Lights.(a) I don't have anything, not even my breath, without the hand of God at work.

Second, "God makes men what they are." Right on Mr. Wallace! It is because of this statement I'm lead to believe the implication I made of the first statement, but then you already know what I think about the first... on to the second.

The bible states clearly that we are wonderfully made(b) by God... it was like this from the beginning(c) and it has always been this way no matter what people in this world try to say. The best part of it is God doesn't stop there... God creates us... AND... God also gives each and everyone of us a purpose in life.(d) Perhaps it's something that will take years... maybe it's not just one thing, in fact I'm guessing it's much more than just one thing. I believe our purpose in life is something or things that will last our whole lifetime... after all without purpose why are we here?

God gives us gifts and talents that will go right in line with our purpose in life. Certainly He will stretch us and urge us to often step out on a limb... to do things that will take us out of our comfort zone, but He won't leave us to do it on our own.(e)

I believe God will call us to do various things during our lifetime and He is prepared to equip us with everything we need to be successful in them.(f) Perhaps that means He's already given you a talent and all you need is the confidence to use it... or maybe it's something completely new and He desires to expand your horizons. In either case He will provide, our job is to trust Him(g) and walk in the gift.

(a) James 1:17
(b) Psalm 139:13-16
(c) Genesis 1:26-28
(d) Jeremiah 29:11
(e) Psalm 138:8
(f) 2 Timothy 3:16-17
(g) Proverbs 3:5